![\"strong\"](\"https:\/\/blogs.psychcentral.com\/chronic-pain\/files\/2013\/07\/strong.jpg\")
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<\/p>\n I am a strong woman.\u00a0 I am strong of character, of mind (debatable), of body, of spirit.\u00a0 To possess strength is admirable…but when you have an \u201cinvisible illness,\u201d strength can be a detriment as well.<\/p>\n Invisible illness encompasses many medical conditions, including many chronic pain conditions, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, etc.\u00a0 At this point I consider myself to have an invisible illness, although the X-rays that are alight with screws and rods would beg to differ.\u00a0 However, after 8 months of intensive physical therapy and weight loss, I move like a \u201chealthy\u201d woman.\u00a0 I am physically strong, and on a good day, I walk like someone who didn\u2019t undergo 2 spinal surgeries in the pas 2 years.\u00a0 That\u2019s the tricky part, however, of the invisible illness.\u00a0 I look<\/span> fine, but many times, I do not feel<\/span> fine.<\/p>\n <\/span><\/p>\n When I park in the handicap spot, I get looks from people who are likely thinking that I don\u2019t look sick.\u00a0 I don\u2019t blame them because I am sure I would look at me too.\u00a0 But what people don\u2019t understand is that the days when I do park in the handicap spot, I am in pain.\u00a0 You can\u2019t see it, because I am not hunched over or walking with an assistive device, but I am in pain, tired, aching.\u00a0 Between the fibromyalgia and recovering from surgery, I am in constant pain.\u00a0 Sometimes at a level 10, sometimes at a 3, but I am never not in pain.<\/p>\n Despite being in pain, I carry myself with my strength, both physical and emotional.\u00a0 I am proud of myself for being strong, but sometimes, that strength means that I am misunderstood or I don\u2019t get the help I could use.\u00a0 Sometimes, it even costs me things in life because I am seen as the \u201cwell, I can do this to her because she is STRONG and she can handle it.\u201d\u00a0 Sometimes I do not want to be seen as strong simply because I feel like strength is a synonym for happy, or healthy, or okay with how things turn out, when the reality is, I am not.<\/p>\n And, let\u2019s be honest, sometimes I don\u2019t get the \u201caw, poor baby\u201d that I need.\u00a0 Among my loved ones, I am not sure what their perception of me is, to be honest.\u00a0 I think sometimes people don\u2019t talk about or ask me about my surgeries or the things that are going on in my life that are difficult because they are tired of hearing it, or they don\u2019t want to hear me complain, which is acceptable.\u00a0 Other times I get frustrated because I think everyone just assumes I am \u201cfine.\u201d<\/p>\n Sometimes, I am fine, but sometimes I am really not. Sometimes I want to be asked, \u201chow are you really doing?\u201d or I want to be offered help.\u00a0 I am relatively self-sufficient, so I don\u2019t often need help.\u00a0 Two weeks after surgery I was already making my own bed, getting showered, dressed and ready, getting up and down alone (except mornings).\u00a0 Within a month I was (lightly) cleaning the house by myself.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t want to be seen as weak and I definitely did not want to be a bother, so I didn\u2019t ask for help. \u00a0There are, however, times, even 8 months into recovery, where getting a few things at Wal-Mart is just too much for me; when dusting and vacuuming is exhausting and painful and I need help.<\/p>\n Because I am strong, I feel that sometimes people forget to ask me if I need help.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to sound like I am complaining.\u00a0 As I am reading this, I feel as if people may misunderstand me and think I am saying that my loved ones are not helpful, which is not the case.\u00a0 I am sure if I asked for help, everyone would be happy to do whatever I needed, but that is partly my fault.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like to ask for help.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like to not<\/i> be strong.\u00a0 I don\u2019t view needing help as weakness.\u00a0 If anyone asks me for help, I do not perceive that person as weak.\u00a0 But, for me, asking for help is like admitting I can\u2019t do it all, and I like to think I can.\u00a0 At the same time, if I don\u2019t ask for help, I do it myself and then I suffer more.<\/p>\n Strength is a constant battle.\u00a0 It is a battle to stay strong when I feel like I get one bomb after another dropped on me.\u00a0 It is a battle to stay physically strong. I am proud of my strength and I am glad that I am self-sufficient, but when it comes it invisible illness, people need to remember that I may look fine, but I don\u2019t always feel fine.<\/p>\n